That moment when you are sooo close to feeling like you have it all together. Then, ____________ (insert today’s disaster here).
Yeah, for me today that was when I went to take my medicine for the day and dropped the entire bottle while at the same time spilling all of my water. On my laptop. And all over the medicine. Bye bye medicine. Again. (Last month I dropped an entire bottle of my medicine down the drain the day after I refilled it.) Let’s face it, the pharmacist is pretty sure I am selling my little blue pills at this point.
Fortunately I was able to salvage at least one partially dissolved pill. Oh well, I will try to have a perfect day tomorrow. *sarcasm*
I know that I can’t actually have it all together. No one really does. It’s a facade created by Hollywood, Pinterest, Facebook and let’s face it — the devil. After all, he is the one truly behind those thoughts and feelings. Those tiny brain nudges (you know what I’m talking about, right?) that tell you your husband just looked at you with disapproval in his eyes. The feeling that the moms at the table next to you are judging your parenting style because your daughter won’t stay in the nursery at MOPs. We all experience them.
The difference is that today I am choosing not to internalize any of that. Maybe my husband did look at me with disapproval or maybe he was thinking about whether or not he sent an email to a client. Maybe the other mom’s are judging me or maybe they are thinking that their kids were the same way at Ellie’s age and now they would give anything to turn back the time and have a little one to snuggle.
If I choose to believe each tiny brain nudge that Satan sends my way I find that by the end of the day I am exhausted from all the mental and emotional weight I am carrying around. But if I instead just let them ping off my consciousness and instead choose to focus on the positives of the day like the fact that my beautiful daughter loves and needs me I feel so much lighter and able to face whatever comes my way.
Now, tomorrow may be a different story. We’ll have to see what little things decide to pop up.